Audrie & Daisy is one of the hardest documentaries I’ve watched. It tells the story of a few girls, but in particular of Audrie & Daisy, two girls that were sexually assaulted in high school, by boys they went to school with. One girl, Audrie, committed suicide, due to what happened to her, the photos that were taken and spread, and the cyber bullying, etc. Daisy also tried to take her own life multiple times, but has survived. It also delves a bit into how it has affected some of their family and friends. I don’t do it justice, but it’s on Netflix if you want to check it out, which I highly recommend.
I’m a mom to a baby girl, to A, as well as a survivor of sexual assault myself, so this story hits close to home. It affects me more now that I’m a mother, and terrifies me to think of A growing up. As Daisy said, “…The words of our enemies aren’t as awful as the silence of our friends…You can’t ignore an army of voices and I would like to see others stand up for people who have been assaulted.”
I remember calling my sister, who lived out of state, and her singing me to sleep when I was too scared to close my eyes, afraid of the flash backs, or just terrified in general. I remember my parents crying and holding me, saying they wish they had known and unsure of how to help me. My army wasn’t huge, but my army of voices that surrounded and loved me was strong. I remember when I was dating K, telling him what had happened to me and afraid he’d react as many others had, blaming me, or saying I was damaged, etc. K was amazing, just gently kissing me and telling me he loved me, then holding me for as long as I needed.
Grateful for the things that have happened to me isn’t the right wording, but I’m grateful for the woman I’ve become, who I wouldn’t be if I hadn’t been through everything I have. I’ve learned that I’m stronger than I ever imagined, and that I have the ability to love and forgive in ways that I didn’t think possible. I’ve learned that I am a survivor, and that I can make it through hell and back.
I know not everyone has family that will stand by them and be their army, but if you, or someone you know is going through something, whether it be sexual assault or something else, I hope you can stand up and help them find their voice. It takes a special sort of person to be there for you when you’re going through hell – I am so unbelievably grateful for the army I’ve had. They’ve helped me become the person, wife, and mother that I am. They’ve seen me through my worst and my best, never wavering. Please reach out to anyone you know that is struggling, you never know how much some kind words, a hug, or just listening can help.