K and I have discussed adoption since shortly after we got married. We knew there were genetic traits we weren’t crazy about passing down, and then the more and more serious we got to trying for a child, and the more doctor’s visits to make sure I was all good to go proved that I was, in fact, not good to go, and I was advised that I should never try to carry a child.
This news, and the realization that biological children were not in the cards for us was devastating. I felt every emotion from guilt, sadness, anger, fear, to being numb. I’ve dreamed of watching K as a dad, with our children, and suddenly that dream was yanked from my arms, and from his. He is constantly making comments while watching me with our dogs of how excited he is for when I’m a mom, and what a great mother I’ll be, just from seeing how much I love our fur babies.
I think most people would take time more time to mourn, to grieve the loss of a biological child, but for as long as I can remember I’ve wanted to adopt, as well as do foster care, and I’ve had a feeling for years that I wouldn’t be able to safely carry a child. In a way, it was a relief to just finally know so we could move forward.
I’m not one to give up, or to let something, no matter what it is, get in the way of my, or our, dreams. I’ve wanted to be a mother since I was a child, and would pretend to be one to my baby dolls. K is so patient, calm, tender, funny, thoughtful, and seeing him with our friend’s kids just makes my heart flutter, and yearn for children of our own. So, we are starting the adoption process.
We’ll have our home study completed within the next month or two. Home studies are intense, invasive, and take quite a bit of time, and we’ll begin ours in about a week, then it’s just a matter of time for how long the paperwork takes, reference letters, employment verification, interviews, etc.
We couldn’t be more excited, intimidated, anxious, thrilled, etc about our decision. It’s been an emotional rollercoaster. I took those photos of K a few years ago, but they pretty much sum up the range of emotions we’ve been feeling.
Now, we are excited and hopeful. We’re already so full of love for our future baby, which I wasn’t expecting just yet. We’re talking about paint colors and shark bath robes, cribs. We know this process can take years, but we’re preparing for our baby now, with the hope that our child has great timing, and comes sooner rather than later.